I’ve had a lot of time to be thinking about my future lately. I took off for Colorado for a weekend. I enjoyed it. I saw an old friend, went hiking, went to the lake, and it gave me some time to really think. I know I’m passionate about my job (which some people might think is funny, because I’m just a hotel employee; it let’s me get my people pleasing out in a healthy way). I love the connections I’ve built there. I want to be the one running the chain. I want to work toward this. I’ve only been there for half a year, but I never dread going there, like I have my other jobs. This has gotta be it. I’m scared to go to school. I barely graduated when I did (a year and a half late). I dropped out of college a couple years back (first semester). I couldn’t handle the pressure. I was either too obsessive or too apathetic. I’m not really sure what to do to get back when I know I need to be. I was struggling with my eating disorder. To be completely honest, I have been struggling again for a while. I don’t want to be that person. I’m scared to label myself as damaged again. Is that who I am? I guess I don’t know. I know I can be strong, but I also know I can be weak and give in to the disorder.
What’s going on?